


Who Said Anything About Pretending?

by SK_Kasai



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Chloe Decker Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Has Daddy Issues, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, Protective Chloe Decker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:14:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27189871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SK_Kasai/pseuds/SK_Kasai
Summary: “If He made me for you,” she began, “it wouldn’t make sense for Him to separate us, now would it? I can’t pretend to know why He showed up, but it isn’t that.”“Oh, Chloe.” Lucifer breathed. He leaned forward, kissing her, brief and slow and salty with the pain of both of their tears. “That would be just like Him.” He whispered, eyes closed, forehead resting against hers, “He’s an arsehold like that; always out to make me bloody suffer.”“I won’t let Him.” She swore, getting over her shock at seeing her partner so… vulnerable.“Chloe.” He sighed again, “He already has it all figured out, y’know?”With that declaration, he sank back down into her, hiding in the crook of her neck, too tired to deal with the world any longer.“I-I shouldn’t be with… with you…” He sniffled, “But I just… I can’t leave. I can’t forget you. I can’t bloody do anything!”She stayed silent, stroking his hair, wondering how she could find solutions to all these never ending problems of celestial origin.“When you die,” Lucifer whispered, “you’re going to go to Heaven, my love. That’s the one place in the bloody universe that I can never follow you to. Have you ever thought about that?”
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 47
Kudos: 376





	Who Said Anything About Pretending?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dxtectiveluci](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dxtectiveluci/gifts).



> I know I barely post anything anymore, but 2020 has been... yeah.
> 
> This was supposed to be a short drabble for the simple prompt:   
> Chloe: You want me to pretend to be your wife?  
> Lucifer: Who said anything about pretending?
> 
> Instead you get this... angst fest XD Yes, I really hate myself.
> 
> Obviously, I don't think that this is what's gonna happen after s5a, but it's still a fun idea I guess.
> 
> Credit to Pat for this too. I hope everyone is doing okay ❤

Choe wasn’t mad.

Of course not.

This wasn’t like the time Lucifer dropped everything and disappeared to Vegas after she’d almost died. _Nope_. It wasn’t like he’s gone back to Hell (hopefully).

He was probably at his Penthouse, drunk, or high, or both. He was probably shattered.

Right?

She was no therapist, but she was pretty much sure that no knowledge of psychiatry would be required to determine that Lucifer’s reaction to his Father’s return would be… _Complicated._

Chloe was just hoping that she’d be able to help him. A part of her was angry, despite how much she didn’t want to be. Why did a celestial crisis have to happen any time she wanted to talk to her boyfriend?

Of all the times for the _literal God_ to show up…

Amenadiel had filled her in after time apparently unfroze and she’d barely registered running out of the precinct. He insisted that Lucifer could be anywhere with the way he rapidly flew out, but she knew him.

He’d go to the Penthouse first.

Hopefully.

It was the closest thing he had to home.

She tried to calm her breathing as the elevator smoothly made its way to the top floor. A memory of Lucifer, sans hair and eyebrows and with huge, red, leathery wings and an entire devilish form to match, flashed in her mind’s eye.

She _loved_ him.

Even if he was looking like that at the moment, knowing his tendency to find a way to blame everything on himself, she didn’t care. Honestly, she wasn’t entirely sure how the whole devil form thing worked, but she didn’t care about that either.

Her top priority was Lucifer.

Lucifer who hadn’t answered any of her dozen calls. Lucifer who hadn’t read her embarrassing number of texts. Lucifer who ranted so much about “Dear Old Dad” that she was actually sad that she didn’t get to punch the bastard in the face for what he’d put her boyfriend through.

 _Fuck_.

She was on her way to comfort a devil who might have been having a mental breakdown of all things, thinking about how she wanted to punch God.

Half her friends were celestials.

Sometimes, it was still too hard to process and-

The elevator dinged.

Chloe couldn’t help but gasp, preparing herself for whatever would be on the other side. She was worried, more so than she could have ever imagined.

“Lucifer?” She called out tentatively, “I-I know you’re probably having a rough time, but we need to talk.”

Silence.

There was no one in the living room. The bedroom, library, office, balcony and any other room she searched were all empty.

Dread pooled in her gut.

Los Angeles was big. America was big. Planet Earth?Even bigger?

Yet, something told her that she wouldn’t find Lucifer anywhere.

_***cries in Deckerstar*** _

She was overreacting.

Lucifer wouldn’t go back to Hell.

That was just a stupid fear of hers; an insecutirty; a nagging thought at the back of her mind that won’t just leave her alone.

Hell didn’t need a warden anymore. Unless God showed up to send Lucifer back there?

He wouldn’t. Right?

Maybe she should’ve asked Amenadiel about that.

She’d driven around looking for Lucifer for a while, calling and texting and doing just about anything she could to try to assure herself that she would see him again.

His Father showing up was a huge deal. How was she supposed to predict the outcome of it?

It was almost funny.

Less than twelve hours ago, she’d been imprisoned by the Archangel Michael as some sort of… bait? A few hours ago, she’d been freaking out about the possibility that Lucifer didn’t love and now?

A tiny part of her was still freaking out about it and she _hated_ herself for it.

There were bigger things to focus on.

She made her way to her apartment, wondering what she could possibly do now. Wait for him? Call a bit more? Put out a BOLO on a wayward angel?

Chloe’s eyes widened at the partially open door. She’d been found thanks to Lucifer. Her apartment wasn’t an active crime scene anymore. She knew as much.

Did Michael come back? Was it some common thief? She’d been so busy dealing with the celestials that the thought of some burglar made her want to laugh.

She needed a nap.

Chloe grabbed the gun from its hostler at her hip. It wasn’t even hers, but she couldn’t just wander around unarmed.

“ _You know that won’t kill me.”_ Michael's voice growled in her head.

She kicked the door open with her foot, cautiously creeping into the darkened apartment. Trixie wouldn’t be home for tonight. She missed the little girl, but oh well... Small mercies.

“LAPD!” She called out, scanning her surroundings. 

It was eerily silent. Maybe she was overreacting?

She progressed into her apartment with caution, ears strained to hear the tiniest sound. Her heart was beating a bit too loud, a near deafening battle drum at the back of her mind.

She was just so tired.

“D-Detective?” She heard someone laugh, “D’ctive?”

Chloe let out a trembling breath.

She knew that stupid accent.

She made her way to her bedroom, prepared for a fight. Was someone holding Lucifer captive or-

He was lying on her bed, an impressive number of bottles scattered around the cramped space.

She tucked her gun away, trying to decide what to do next.

“Detective!” He hiccuped, “So glad you can join the party!”

He sounded positively cheerful, grinning at her like the dork he was. His hair was mussed and his eyes were bleary. His suit jacket and waistcoat were discarded in a sad pile under a few bottles of what she guessed was scotch, and his sleeves were messily rolled up to his elbows.

He was lying there on the bed, staring at the ceiling.Chloe was surprised to see that he had his wings out. 

The giant, white, feathery proofs of divinity were almost wrapped around him like a blanket, faintly glowing with an ethereal light that would’ve driven any mortal insane.

Not her though.

He blinked a few times, turning his gaze from whatever was on her ceiling to her. He smiled then, crooked and... adorable?

“You’re here.” He grinned.

“This is my bedroom, Lucifer.” She rolled her eyes, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Lucifer frowned, eyebrows furrowing. His eyes darted around the room, and he seemed to realize where he was just then.

“Apologies, Detective.” He sighed, making a move to get up, “I-I did not mean to intrude like this.”

Intrude?

“You’re not intruding.” She told him, her heart breaking at the crestfallen look on his face.

Since when was he aware of things like intruding and private property? He’d broken into her house more times than she could remember before they were even friends.

“I’m not?” He asked, hope shining on his face. He managed to sit up a little bit, propping himself up against the headboard. His wings rustled, adjusting to the new position.

“Of course not.” She reassured him, feeling stupid. She was still standing at the door, too shocked to even come in.

Of all the places she’d thought he’d run to…

Chloe approached him, wondering how he got so many bottles. She had a few in her kitchen, most of which were smuggled in there by him. This though? It looked like he might have raided Lux.

She sat on the edge of the bed, wondering if they would ever go back to being comfortable around each other. He was her home in so many ways. Yet, sometimes, she craved for the easy rapport they had before Candy. Before Marcus and Kinley and Dromos and Michael.

Before everything.

She couldn’t be happier with their relationship, hardships and celestial drama included. He was worth it. However, Chloe hated how unsure she was most of the time with the way the universe seemed intent on sabotaging what they had any time they dared to be happy.

“Why are you here?” She asked. Lucifer gave her a look, frowning as he thought about something.

He rolled his shoulders and his wings vanished. Lucifer glanced at the empty space next to him and then at her, waiting.

She huffed a laugh, rolling her eyes at him. She lied down next to him, feeling exhaustion seeping into her bones. This had to be the longest day in her life.

Was he drunk or what?

Lucifer was seemingly happy with her choice. He snuggled up to her, burying his face in her neck and just… staying there?

Wow.

That wasn’t like him. Was it? Well, maybe if his stupid family gave her at least a month to date him before they showed up and turned everything to shit, she might have known.

It wasn't like this bothered her though. She wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer. Chloe proceeded to stroke his hair gently, scratching at his scalp and wondering how much he had to drink before he got into this stage.

He was warm, somehow still smelling like himself despite the crazy day he must have had. His stubble scratched her neck and his warm breath tickled her skin. He seemed to relax into her embrace, his breaths deepening.

Was he going to fall asleep?

“Why are you here?” She asked again a few minutes later.

She wasn’t complaining of course. Cuddling with him was probably among the top items on the list of things she wanted today. Having him close was a revelation in its own; a balm that soothed wounds she hadn’t even been fully aware of until their pain seemed to subside.

“Do you not want me here?” He mumbled into her neck, words slurred and muffled.

She snorted, playfully tugging at his hair in punishment.

“Of course I want you here, Lucifer.” She sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, “I’ve been dying to see you all day.”

“Really?” He exclaimed softly, lifting his head up to meet her eyes. The brown eyes that haunted her nightmares and predominated her dreams were full of such intensity and scrutiny that it took her breath away.

What lie was he looking for?

“Really.” She confirmed, hoping he would find whatever he was searching for.

She loved him. 

Even if he didn’t…

Chloe gulped.

Lucifer smiled, sleepy and overjoyed, before snuggling back into her neck.

“Alright, Detective.” He sighed.

What???

Sleepy, cuddly, insecure Lucifer. Huh. She'd always imagined him as a more… angsty, self-deprecating, guilt-ridden, furious drunk.

“Really.” She confirmed again, “You’re such an idiot.”

He still doubted her love. After everything. Would it kill them to ever be secure in their love for each other?

“Uh huh.” He mumbled, “That I am, darling.”

Maybe he was just tired. Maybe the alcohol didn’t even realistically have an effect on him. He was back to being fully invulnerable, whatever that exactly implied.

“I don’t know why I’m here.” He admitted softly, whispering the confession into her shoulder, “I had to get away. A-after Dad… and I just…” He seemed to struggle for words just then, anger taking his breath away.

This was a bit more like the Lucifer she knew.

He groaned though, burrowing deeper into her, his hand clutching the material of her shirt near her hip.

“I had to get away.” He muttered at last, “Had no idea I’d end up at your apartment, Detective much less that you'd show up.” He sighed, sounding sorry, “I… Everything appears to be… blurry.”

Shock?

Her poor devil.

“I’m glad you’re here.” She told him, pressing a kiss to his temple, “You’re welcome to come here anytime you want, you know.”

“Truly?”

“Lucifer, you’ve broken into my place more times than I can count.” She giggled, “No locks can stop the devil and all that.”

“But ‘s different now.” He complained. She couldn’t see his face, but she knew that he would’ve been pouting.

“Different how?”

“We slept together.” He stated, peeking up just in time to see her small smile and the tiniest hint of a blush on her cheeks, “I’ve been told that that changes everything.”

It did change everything, didn’t it? Somehow, it felt like it hadn’t changed anything at all.

“We can still be us.” She reassured him, more than used to his confusion in regards to everything that had to do with… well, relationships, emotions, and the L word.

“No, we can’t.” He mumbled, his sorrow shining through every syllable, so much so that it made her heart twist in more painful ways than she could have ever imagined.

Was he breaking up with her?

“You’re going to break up with me.” He whispered, the words rushing out of his mouth in a desperate jumble of infinite misery.

What?

“I-I’m not…” Chloe stuttered, looking down at him, “Lucifer, why would you think…?”

“I couldn’t say them.” He admitted, fists clenched. His voice was rough, self-hatred and frustration accenting it in a way that she was all too familiar with, “I was going to! But Amenadiel and then… and then… Dad…”

He trailed off, huffing in frustration.

He had been going to say them?

“I hate Dad.” He growled, “I just… He showed up, Detective! A-a few millennia after He… He just showed up… _Children_ , he said!”

Chloe paused, deciding to rub his back in comfort. How do you even comfort someone going through… what even was this?

She could see the huge, cobbled scars on his shoulder blades, shining in her mind’s eye.

_“Don’t, please.” He’d whispered, more vulnerable than she could’ve imagined._

_“It’s where I cut my wings off!”_

_“It's my wings. They're back. My Father, he's manipulating me. He's making me do things that I would never do.”_

_“Where do I begin? The grandest Fall in history, or the much more agonizing punishment that followed?”_

Even back when she’d thought that he was just a delusional, broken, survivor of a traumatic childhood…

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, incapable of coming up with something else to say.

She’d take all of his pain away if she could.

Was this the result of seeing his Father? He was shocked. Lost. Confused. _Angry_.

He was switching from an emotion to another rapidly, begging her to comfort him while seemingly aching to run away and hide from the world.

That was what he’d done, wasn’t it?

He’d wanted to run away and so he flew. Funny enough, at least somewhere in his broken heart and his confused mind, he’d known that her tiny, little apartment was the place to run to.

What did that mean?

“You have nothing to apologize for, Detective.” He sighed, voice quiet again. He melted into her, the anger draining out of him and vanishing as if it had never been there.

“I’m here for you.” Chloe told him, resting her head on top of his, begging him to understand that he didn’t have to do this alone, “We’re in this together, Lucifer, okay?”

“No.” He laughed, the word slipping out on an exhale, almost too low for her to hear.

“No?”

“I wish things would go back to the way they were.” He whispered a full minute later, “Cases and game nights and so many bloody eye rolls and death glares.”

She smiled at that despite herself, running her hand down his arm.

“I like what we have.” She told him, meaning it.

“How could you?” Lucifer wondered, genuine confusion apparent in his words, “I’ve only brought you pain with all this celestial… _drama_.” He spat out the word, “Dealing with me alone is enough of a punishment.”

Of course.

He still saw himself as a burden; a monster.

He still hated himself.

Chloe wasn’t an idiot; she knew that pain like that didn’t just vanish. A few thousand years alone in Hell were probably not the best for his mental health either. Add in all the recent events and she was more than impressed with how sane Lucifer actually was.

He hid it well.

With his shit-eating grins, his three piece suits, and his annoying, constant… Luciferness.

She knew what lurked beneath the surface though. She saw him.

_“You’re the only mortal who sees him for who he truly is.”_

“You’re a blessing, Lucifer Morningstar.” She chided.

“You’re the one who’s a miracle.” He pipped up.

She smacked his neck playfully for that.

“I’m serious, Lucifer.” Chloe sighed, “I-I love you. I’ve already said that. You’re worth all the celestial drama.”

He didn't say anything.

He was silent for so long that she thought that he might have dozed off or something. In all honesty, she hoped that he would. Sleep would be good for him. Sleep was what they both needed.

“W-what if He’s here to… to take you away?” Lucifer whispered. This time, he wasn’t jovial or angry; he was afraid.

Hearing him sound scared always broke something inside her. Knowing that there were things out there that could make the _Devil_ tremble in fear was an odd sort of awakening.

Knowing that losing her was his greatest fear was more than she could handle.

“He isn’t.” She soothed him, gently guiding his head up so that their eyes met, “Look at me, Lucifer.”

He did, slowly, with a shyness that was the opposite of everything she knew Lucifer Morningstar to be. His eyes were rimmed with a violent shade of red, hot, liquid drops of misery shimmering at the very corners because their owner was too proud to cry.

She’d seen him cry though. Many, many times.

She cupped his face with her hand, wiping a tear away as it slid down his cheek. It was almost as if he couldn’t handle looking at her. Was she crying too?

“If He made me for you,” she began, “it wouldn’t make sense for Him to separate us, now would it? I can’t pretend to know why He showed up, but it isn’t that.”

It couldn’t be that. She couldn’t process that. Not after everything they’d been through.

“Oh, Chloe.” Lucifer whispered. He leaned forward, kissing her, brief and slow and salty with the pain of both of their tears. “That would be just like Him.” He whispered, eyes closed, forehead resting against hers, “He’s an arsehold like that; always out to make me bloody suffer.”

“I won’t let Him.” She swore, getting over her shock at seeing her partner so… vulnerable.

“Chloe.” He sighed again, her name slipping through his trembling lips for the second time in a minute, “He already has it all figured out, y’know?”

With that declaration, he sank back down into her, hiding in the crook of her neck, too tired to deal with the world any longer.

“I-I shouldn’t be with… with you…” He sniffled, “But I just… I can’t leave. I can’t forget you. I can’t bloody do anything!”

She stayed silent, stroking his hair, wondering how she could find solutions to all these never ending problems of celestial origin.

How do you win when your battle is against the creator of the universe?

Chloe didn’t have that part figured out yet, but she was going to. She was going to do anything for the trembling, broken man in her arms.

“When you die,” Lucifer whispered, “you’re going to go to Heaven, my love. That’s the one place in the bloody universe that I can never follow you to. Have you ever thought about that?”

She hadn’t.

She’d barely been able to think about his true face. Her miracle status. Michael and his stupid mind games.

Lucifer was an immortal though. How could he ever love a human? What were fifty years to a being like him? What was her lifespan to someone who’d been around before time existed?

“We’ll figure it out.” She promised, barely managing to get the words out.

They’ll be okay. They _had_ to be okay. 

She loved. She knew, deep down, that he loved her too and they were _incredible_ like she'd said.

“I want to go on a vacation with you.” Lucifer mumbled after a few minutes of uncomfortable, agonizing silence, “The urchin can accompany us as well, I suppose. I want to go stargazing with you. I want… Bloody Hell, Detective, I want one real date with you! A nice dinner perhaps? I want to solve more cases with you… Play good cop, handsome devil cop for as long as possible… I want to go on an undercover case with you. The one with Cain was... Well, he's bloody Cain, so..." He rambled.

Cain. Marcus really was-

Nope. She couldn't think about that. Not now.

“You want me to pretend to be your wife?” Chloe giggled. How did they go from an existential crisis to this?

“Who said anything about pretending?” He frowned, moving away from her. He sat, seemingly close to falling asleep or passing out. “Chloe, I...” He hesitated, wondering how he could find a way to say whatever was going on in his mind now.

Chloe?

She was lost.

Trying to keep up with Lucifer’s erratic, insane train of thoughts on a good day was a bit of a challenge. With this Lucifer? Yeah, at least he was close to her…

“I… Who said anything about bloody pretending?” He repeated.

“You want to marry me?”

The guy who couldn’t even get himself to say he loved her. The guy who didn’t even understand the first thing about human emotions a few years ago. The guy who thought that the best thing he could ever hope to get from others was just sex.

 _Satan_ getting married. Ha.

“ _Chloe!_ ” He whined, glaring at her, “I want…” He trailed off, frowning, “I want _everything_ with you. More than I should ever be allowed to want and more than I bloody deserve, that’s for sure. I want to be by your side for the rest of my existence. I want to sleep next to you every night and make love to you as many times as you would allow me to… I want to get you coffee every day and have game nights with you and the spawn and just… just…” He huffed in frustration, his short, rushed ramble seemingly exhausting his ability to put his emotions into words, “I want _you_ , Chloe Jane Decker.” He whispered.

Another tear slid down his cheek just then. His gaze fell to the wrinkled sheets between them, already back to self-depreciation.

“I can never have you though.” Lucifer croaked, “As much as I want to and as much as I try to and as much as I _know_ that I can’t bloody survive without everything that you’ve taught me recently, I just… why is everything so complicated?”

He was openly pleading with her, his moist eyes begging her for an answer.

What could she even say?

He couldn’t say the words, but he was obviously capable of expressing them.

That was what he did, wasn’t it? He’d showed her that he loved her in more ways than she could even comprehend.

He was so hurt and so shattered. Yet, he was willing to let her in and give her a chance at loving him. He loved her intensely before either of them even became aware of the possibility of something more, of something this _beautiful_ , blossoming between them.

“All the good things are.” Chloe told him, blinking, feeling the heat running _down_ her cheeks, “And you, Lucifer Morningstar, are good. I don’t care what you or your stupid father have to say about that.”

He laughed at that, the complete bewilderment on his face melting into something infinitely soft and gentle.

“If there’s one person who could solve this, it’s you.” He shook his head, staring at her like the miracle that she was supposed to be.

“And if there’s one person who’s worth solving this for, it’s you.”

She knew he didn’t believe her. Maybe he was too shocked to argue or maybe he was just too tired.

It was almost funny; she’d expected anger. She knew that he was going to be angry. Maybe in a few minutes or maybe tomorrow morning. For now, he was lost and confused. Too overwhelmed by everything to even _manage_ being angry.

It was a good thing that she was there for him, wasn’t it?

“How about you get some sleep?” Chloe suggested gently, “You look exhausted.”

Lucifer blinked at her, confused. 

“I’m worried about you.” She confessed, tugging on his arm, “Maybe you should talk to Linda tomorrow.”

“She kept calling me.” Lucifer confessed, “Said something about trauma and being overwhelmed. I tossed my phone… somewhere.” He gestured vaguely with his hand.

Well, that explained why he wouldn’t respond.

“You know you can silence your phone if you don’t want to reply.” She rolled her eyes, “You can even turn it off. How many times have you tossed your phone away?”

“I lost count.” He mumbled, smiling a bit as he allowed her to maneuver him to lie down. 

She got him settled, trying to mask her shock at the way he was just letting her take care of him. She slid off his shoes and even managed to get the covers on top of him, wondering if he’d rather be naked or not.

Lucifer didn’t say anything.

“I’ll get into some pyjamas and I’ll join you, alright?” She promised, running her hand through his hair. He was mostly asleep, the adorable idiot.

He just mumbled a vague confirmation.

She bit her lip, wondering if she should call Linda and Amenadiel. Angelic shock was something she didn’t really have experience with. Was he… okay? Would he be back to his usual self in the morning?

She changed quickly, deciding that she was way too tired to shower despite how much she wanted to. When Chloe made her way back to her bed, sliding in next to her boyfriend, she was certain that it would take her no time to fall asleep.

“I love you.” She whispered, pressing another kiss to his lips, “So, so much. No matter what.” 

He opened his eyes, shocked. Would she ever manage to get him to get used to her love? 

“You don’t have to say anything.” She smiled, tracing his brow with her finger, “I know.”

He gave her a small, sad smile.

"Did you propose to me?" She teased, moving her finger to his perfect lips, tracing them.

"I am afraid I have no ring, my love." He apologized, smiling instead of freaking out, "Not unless you count this one which... wouldn't suffice."

He lifted his hand from under the covers, showing her the obsidian ring that she'd seen several thousand times already.

She wrapped her fingers around his, pressing a small kiss to the back of his hand.

"I'll get you the best ring if you desire it." Lucifer informed her, staring at their intertwined hands, "Nothing would ever come close to helping me express my gratitude for what you've given me."

"I love you too." Chloe smiled, kissing him.

She snuggled up to him, closing her eyes and promptly falling asleep.

They were going to figure it out together. Of course they were.


End file.
